I have had enough and I can take no more, this back-and-forth is killing me. If you're done with us, I need to know. Do miss me but let me go.

Thank you, disgustingly dark eye bags.

For my girls: I miss the bond we shared. I mean, who wouldn't miss that comfortable feeling with a person. Where we could talk for hours about everything, anything and not have a problem with the silence in the middle. Can't forget all the ridiculous stuff we did. Stupid or not, everything was just so fun. Endless nights, real talks, the "remember whens", I remember it all. It's funny what life does, how it could just give you things and take it away so soon. I really can't get it to my head that you grow distant from people and that good things come to an end sooner or later. I am truly apologetic for neglecting and taking each and every one of you for granted, and I sincerely hope this apology doesn't come to you as a second too late. Xx. ♥

This is for Yanting and here's to the past: If I learned that friends come and go. I learned that people aren't always going to be there. I learned that the people you say you hate end up being the only people you can trust. No doubt our friendship soured, look where the both of us landed ourselves in but I'll let down my pride and admit that I do miss you at times. Have you ever thought you knew someone and it turns out you know nothing about that person? If you did, great because that's the way I am feeling about you now. The state that we are in, the constant battle with each other, is messed up. I am messed up, you are messed up, the both of us are messed  up. If you think that I am apologetic for what "I supposedly did" (inverted commas, refer), then I'll make things clear by saying that I'm not. I'll let you continue defaming, insulting, etc. whatever you like about me till the point whereby you get sick of it, real sick. If you think that soon enough I'll defend myself by screaming or insulting you, I'll have to disappoint you and tell you that I am not going to do such worthless things, because I'm sick of it. Exhausted, mentally. I've so much I want to voice out, to defend myself, but then again people always say "don't hang your dirty linen in public". One thing is for sure though, those secrets you told me, I'll take it to the grave.

Good-byes are hard. It may be hard for the person leaving, but it is always hardest for the one left behind.

I miss her ♥

I don't know what I should do, continue on like this in the hopes that we will be able to make it through or ignoring you and moving on? Honestly speaking, I feel that it's time for me to move on now and I know that soon enough, these feelings will pass, the tears will stop falling and my heart will heal itself. The only thing I understand right now is that after I make this decision to give up on you, I won't be able to change what's done, I won't be able to go back in time and neither will I be able to mend the broken hearts but the least I can do is learn from my mistakes and hope that I'll never regret anything else as much as I do now. Deep down, I know that life will be so much easier if I never talked to you again. If I shut you out of my life, I'll probably move on slowly and get over you ultimately. Too bad one of the hardest things to do in the world is convincing yourself that I don't care when in actuality, I know with every fibre of my being that I do. A ♥

Best way to not get your heart broken is pretend you don't have one.

I fucking hate school. I fucking hate studying. I fucking hate waking up in the morning to go to school just for studies. Ugh, I absolutely cannot be bothered with school anymore. Can it just burn down, or. I fucking hate my school uniform, I'd like school more if I was allowed to wear my own clothes. If only there's someone or something attractive enough in school to give me the urge to go to school everyday. Wait, I forgot, what's school? Fuck school. I know nothing about school. It's bullshit. As most of you must have guessed, I got suspended from school till the end of the year but to make things sound nicer, I'm on holiday bitches.

3rd July: The Lottery Party at Soul.

Please pardon my pineapple face.

Tay's standard bird face.

The atmosphere was dope as you can obviously see for yourself and that being said, SMOOVE's bringing you another event on the 8th of August at Zouk, so what are you party animals waiting for? Keep that date free and reserve your tickets from me at 98785703 now! Anyway, photos are up on http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.240433912648068.65467.100000443836383 if you wish to view them yourself! ♥


8th of July: Sakura with my girls.

I didn't get drunk at all and this will be the only photograph of the day that I will be posting up here because the rest are hideous photographs of me, but if you would still like to see them, here you go! http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.239688389384421.65703.100000297851969 I will admit that I am in fact just being lazy because it's four in the morning, update tomorrow, promise! Xx.

When you start to care less, it actually means a part of you has already given up.

I finally discharged from Gracehaven, but frankly, I'm not as happy as I expected myself to be. For two whole years, this was the day I've been waiting for, but I don't know why now I'm not so certain. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. I've learnt so many things & have already gotten so used to living there. I used to wake up every morning and grumble about how packed our day would be with all the activities they would've lined up for us, but now, I wake up with absolutely no idea who I should call, where I should go and what I should do. There is nobody who would wish me good night & good morning and give me a hug, I can no longer have any heart-to-heart talks with the girls as & when I feel like, nobody to write diaries together and play around with. Well, all of this officially ended. And no matter how much I complain about the place sometimes, I'll miss it. But no matter how much I'll miss it, I promise myself to not do anything stupid again.


Am down with slight fever and a cold, ironic. Head's spinning, nose is block and my entire body is aching. It's 3.05 in the morning and yet I feel the least tired, my body clock is way screwed. I always tell myself never to regret the things I've done because I wanted it at one point or another, but why do I always look back in regret? Some days, I wish things had turned out differently between us, my best intentions keep making a mess of things, I just wanna fix it somehow. A ♥

I gave you my heart and you broke it into pieces. So don't ask me if I'm okay, because honestly, you know I'm not.

L stands for loser.

Fascinating waste of time, imbecile. Please tell me why you are doing this to me. I admit that it's my fault, for not making my feelings known to you, but how am I supposed to tell you when you're still in love with her? Telling you how I feel is scary, not because I don't feel the way I do, but because I'm afraid of your response. I'm fucking jealous of all the other girls. I was stupid enough to let go of you before and now I'm experiencing my retribution, karma's got to me. I hinted you so many times before that I had feelings for you, but you had to tell me that it is a mere "passing infatuation" every single time. Passing infatuation? I wouldn't be feeling so fucked up and emotional if it were just an infatuation. Fuck, you only know how to give up.

Look where you've landed yourself, jerk. It's apparent that you're just as upset and unhappy as I am. I already said that all I want is to see you happy but you yourself are making everyone so miserable. Selfish douche, spare me a thought. How would you know it wouldn't work out when you've never even tried? Can't you just try giving love another shot, or are you just afraid of failing again? I can't believe you just threw the chance away like it didn't mean anything to you at all, like I don't mean anything to you at all.

The reason as to why I was so agitated and frustrated the other day is because I was jealous and angry with you. Forgive me for being jealous, but I'm just a fool at love like you are. I fall for the wrong people, make the wrong choices, and end up hurting people whom I've never dreamt of hurting in my life. Take K for example, I made a wrong decision and ended up hurting myself.

Perhaps you may think that it'll be super easy for me to get over you, but I don't see anything bad about giving it a try. I guess you think my feelings are fake and that I'll will "hurt" you. No, you weren't the one who hurt me, I was the one who hurt you. Why can't you just take all this into consideration? All I need is a chance.

When you smile even it hurts, when you're being strong even though you are dying inside. Don't worry, it's love with sacrifice.

What happened to our forever and always?

Received a text from you, "I had fun with you during all these days. Although you may be greedy sometimes and less thoughtful, but these all brought happiness into my life. I have realize that you are a really cute girl and blamed myself for never taken the time to knowing that. I have nothing much to ask for, but I just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be beside me all the time."

Some words once spoken out loud can never be taken back. In the mirror I see the same girl as yesterday but inside, a part of me died. I guess, as much as it hurts me to not be the one by your side, all I can really do is be happy for you and hope that you get treated right. Take it as a lesson learnt the hard way that the hardest part about growing up is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something you're not. I loved you enough to let you go. K ♥

If I end up being the one walking away, I want you to know that it wasn't because I stopped loving you, but because you stopped loving me.

Make my day and follow me @ohbabyitsclaire?

People who think depression is a choice, take another second to think. How would it feel to wake up and not have the emotional strength to face people. To think that time is just passing by with no real reason. To feel so alone even when you are sitting in a room full of people. To have to plaster on a smile and hide your feelings. How you can't physically be happy. To cry yourself to sleep, hoping that you wouldn't wake up the next morning and then when you do, you are just so exhausted from the night before and it starts all over again. You try to hide your feelings, hoping no one would notice. Now tell me why someone would choose that. 

Yes, I had an appointment with my psychologist today and she classified me under depressed. Depression is an illness, not a choice.

Spent the past few days sleeping my time away, and I probably almost died of an overdose of Panadol a day and a half ago. Celebrated Geraldine dearest's 15th birthday with Don, Henry, Maeve, Rachel and of course, the birthday girl herself yesterday. It's pretty obvious that the celebration wasn't exactly the most memorable or the most grand but I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that our presence made it worthwhile. Something pretty creepy happened to me last night. There was this really creepy guy named Raymond who called me at like two in the morning and started trying to chat me up. Call me a wimp or a pussy but I actually started crying because I got so freaked out. R, if I ever find out who you are, I'll yank your bloody balls of you and stuff a cucumber up your anal. Reality check, it's not funny to go around trying to scare girls like me in the dead of the night. On the plus side, J saw my tweet regarding the creepy R and actually called me to comfort me. Rather glad about it since we had a really good heart-to-heart talk and ironed things out.