I gave you my heart and you broke it into pieces. So don't ask me if I'm okay, because honestly, you know I'm not.

L stands for loser.

Fascinating waste of time, imbecile. Please tell me why you are doing this to me. I admit that it's my fault, for not making my feelings known to you, but how am I supposed to tell you when you're still in love with her? Telling you how I feel is scary, not because I don't feel the way I do, but because I'm afraid of your response. I'm fucking jealous of all the other girls. I was stupid enough to let go of you before and now I'm experiencing my retribution, karma's got to me. I hinted you so many times before that I had feelings for you, but you had to tell me that it is a mere "passing infatuation" every single time. Passing infatuation? I wouldn't be feeling so fucked up and emotional if it were just an infatuation. Fuck, you only know how to give up.

Look where you've landed yourself, jerk. It's apparent that you're just as upset and unhappy as I am. I already said that all I want is to see you happy but you yourself are making everyone so miserable. Selfish douche, spare me a thought. How would you know it wouldn't work out when you've never even tried? Can't you just try giving love another shot, or are you just afraid of failing again? I can't believe you just threw the chance away like it didn't mean anything to you at all, like I don't mean anything to you at all.

The reason as to why I was so agitated and frustrated the other day is because I was jealous and angry with you. Forgive me for being jealous, but I'm just a fool at love like you are. I fall for the wrong people, make the wrong choices, and end up hurting people whom I've never dreamt of hurting in my life. Take K for example, I made a wrong decision and ended up hurting myself.

Perhaps you may think that it'll be super easy for me to get over you, but I don't see anything bad about giving it a try. I guess you think my feelings are fake and that I'll will "hurt" you. No, you weren't the one who hurt me, I was the one who hurt you. Why can't you just take all this into consideration? All I need is a chance.

When you smile even it hurts, when you're being strong even though you are dying inside. Don't worry, it's love with sacrifice.

What happened to our forever and always?

Received a text from you, "I had fun with you during all these days. Although you may be greedy sometimes and less thoughtful, but these all brought happiness into my life. I have realize that you are a really cute girl and blamed myself for never taken the time to knowing that. I have nothing much to ask for, but I just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be beside me all the time."

Some words once spoken out loud can never be taken back. In the mirror I see the same girl as yesterday but inside, a part of me died. I guess, as much as it hurts me to not be the one by your side, all I can really do is be happy for you and hope that you get treated right. Take it as a lesson learnt the hard way that the hardest part about growing up is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something you're not. I loved you enough to let you go. K ♥

If I end up being the one walking away, I want you to know that it wasn't because I stopped loving you, but because you stopped loving me.

Make my day and follow me @ohbabyitsclaire?

People who think depression is a choice, take another second to think. How would it feel to wake up and not have the emotional strength to face people. To think that time is just passing by with no real reason. To feel so alone even when you are sitting in a room full of people. To have to plaster on a smile and hide your feelings. How you can't physically be happy. To cry yourself to sleep, hoping that you wouldn't wake up the next morning and then when you do, you are just so exhausted from the night before and it starts all over again. You try to hide your feelings, hoping no one would notice. Now tell me why someone would choose that. 

Yes, I had an appointment with my psychologist today and she classified me under depressed. Depression is an illness, not a choice.

Spent the past few days sleeping my time away, and I probably almost died of an overdose of Panadol a day and a half ago. Celebrated Geraldine dearest's 15th birthday with Don, Henry, Maeve, Rachel and of course, the birthday girl herself yesterday. It's pretty obvious that the celebration wasn't exactly the most memorable or the most grand but I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that our presence made it worthwhile. Something pretty creepy happened to me last night. There was this really creepy guy named Raymond who called me at like two in the morning and started trying to chat me up. Call me a wimp or a pussy but I actually started crying because I got so freaked out. R, if I ever find out who you are, I'll yank your bloody balls of you and stuff a cucumber up your anal. Reality check, it's not funny to go around trying to scare girls like me in the dead of the night. On the plus side, J saw my tweet regarding the creepy R and actually called me to comfort me. Rather glad about it since we had a really good heart-to-heart talk and ironed things out.

I promised myself I wouldn't take the risk of getting hurt again, but for some reason, it all seems worth it when I'm with you.

The Mega Kitty Party on the 13th of June was definitely a night of cute and lovable kittiness. Met up with the three boys, Jun Jie, Jinda and Ken, in the evening at town before heading down to Powerhouse at about 9 or so. I must admit that although Powerhouse was really cramped and there was hardly any space to dance at all, the night was rather well spent, especially with the three of them ♥. So I happened to see quite a number of familiar faces- Pearlie, Andrew, Chor Beng, Soo Wee, Jia Er, etc. And before anyone of you darlings decide to ask me for the 99th time, yes, I was switching about the both the left and middle podiums throughout the entire event, don't ask me why. No pictures because I left my camera in my bag, sorry! Gonna hit Zirca on the 23rd for Romp 6, hell yeah.

A: I'm actually pretty glad that we sorted things out the other day. Just so you know, I still have feelings for you and no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm better off without you, a part of me still won't let go. But well, you know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go. I shall leave our relationship as it is and let fate decide what'll come next.

Yes, I've got a very complicated love life, bye.

I thought I was the only one, but I'm just one of the other girls.

Finally received my Nuffnang cheque. Honestly speaking, the amount ain't alot, but it definitely beats having nothing, no? Feels rather good having some extra cash in my pocket though. Continue clicking on my Nuffnang advertisements pretty please!

I've had it with people. They're absolutely nothing but disappointments. Should never have assumed that someone likes me by their sweetness. I realized that, sometimes, I'm just an option when they are bored. Well, I think I fall in love too easily and am very easily affected. In serious need of a good distraction to divert my attention away from the three boys, or would I say jerks. Taken for granted, thanks for nothing.

Tired waiting for a text that never comes.

I'm afraid that if you see me all the time, you'll get sick of me. If I talk to you all the time, I'll run out of things to say. If we do the same things all the time, you'll get bored of us. If I' m too nice to you, you'll take advantage of me. If I'm too mean to you, you'll drift away from me. I thought I was the only one, but I'm just one of the other girls. I want to turn off my emotions, I want to turn my heart off. I'm sick of this feeling. I don't want to feel anything anymore. J ♥

If only I could control the feelings of my heart.

Met up with my dearest girls in town today, along with the others. Even though my birthday wasn't one of the most exciting birthdays I've had, I've to admit that might be one of the most meaningful birthday I'll ever have. I finally understand that I don't need to have a grand celebration to enjoy my birthday, all I need is just a few close friends and people that really matter. I finally see how lucky I really am to have such sweet friends around. Thank you, each and every one of you who bothered to celebrate my birthday with me, or even those who bothered to just drop me a text or call. Thank you to those who took their time to pick out, and make a present for me as well. Thank you, all of you very much. Love y'all! Mua mua! ♥

No matter how hard I try to bring back the old times, at the end of the day, I realise that old times are just meant to be reminisced.

Have you ever sat down by yourself and just tried to recall the old times? You laugh by yourself with a ridiculous smile on your face and then you have tears running down your cheeks because you know that everything's changed. I miss my girlfriends, I miss my boys, I miss my old clique, I miss us. I really miss the bond I shared with them. I mean, who wouldn't miss that comfortable feeling with a person where you can talk for hours about anything and not have a problem with silence in between? I can't forget all the ridiculous things we did, stupid or not, everything was just so fun. Endless nights, real conversations, the "remember when"s and heart-felt laughter. Nothing was fake about anything back then, not them, not me, nothing. It's funny what life does, how it gives you things and take them away all too soon. I really can't get it to my head that you grow distant from people and that all good things come to an end sooner or later but along the way, I learned one thing about life and that is, it goes on; you just have to pick yourself up and learn to keep up.


If you're ever reading this, you know who you are, I just want you to know that I miss us. I really need a time machine.